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Rounders Movie Quotes - Mike McDermott

Mike McDermott
Professor Petrovsky
Teddy KGB

MIKE: Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: If you're too careful, your whole life can become a fuckin' grind. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: Gimme three stacks of high society. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: No-limit Texas Hold 'Em is the Cadillac of poker. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: The judges' game. I'd heard about it for years on the street, before I was even in law school. A rotating group of ten or twelve judges, prosecutors, and professors. They all have money, and in my playing days it would have been pretty sweet to have any one of them owing me favors. Only problem is, no one can get in the game anymore. One rounder, Crispy Linetta, sat under some pretense, but when they found out he was a pro, he couldn't cross the street without a legal hassle. Even his regular club, Vorshay's, got shut down. Place'd been open since 1907. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: I tell ya, it's hard leaving that game. An open invitation to lay with those lambs - but I'm retired. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: The truth is I can always find games, though. Easy games, tough games, straight games, crooked games, home games. I could turn this truck onto the Jersey turnpike and be at the Taj in two hours. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: In Confessions of a Winning Poker Player, Jack King said, "Few players recall big pots they have won -- strange as it seems -- but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career." Seems true to me, 'cause walking in here I can hardly remember how I built my bankroll, but I can't stop thinking how I lost it. (SOUNDCLIP)
(Mike lost his $30,000 bankroll with a full house of nines over aces to Teddy KGB's hidden aces over nines.)

MIKE: Amarillo Slim, the greatest proposition gambler of all time, held to his father's maxim: You can shear a sheep many times, but skin him only once. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: Why does this still seem like gambling to you? I mean, why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY SINGLE YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas? It's a skill game, Jo. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: I knew it. I fuckin' knew it. (SOUNDCLIP)

WORM: Look, I got certain needs I gotta attend to, okay. I mean, I'm overdo.
MIKE: Good man, I was starting to wonder about you. I thought maybe, you know, the boys upstate, you know, brought about a few changes in you. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: Would you stop fucking around, for five goddamn minutes for once in your fucking life?
WORM: Whoa, Jesus, what happened? My old man just walked in.
MIKE: I should fuckin' beat the shit out of you the way he used to. (SOUNDCLIP)

WORM: Remember when we found this place, man?
MIKE: Yeah, I remember when we found thsi place, when you were hiding out from Tommy Manzy, 'cause you thought he was going to fucking pound you into an oblivion.
WORM: Yeah, now, see, what did I ever do to that guy?
MIKE: You fucked his mother. (SOUNDCLIP)

WORM: You know what, stop worrying about me so much, okay, I'm turning things around. I'm not gonna let anyone drop a garbage can on my head.
MIKE: No, no, you're gonna get out of the way and it's gonna land on me. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: I told Worm you can't lose what you don't put in the middle. DEAL. But you can't win much either. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: The rule is this: you spot a man's tell, you don't say a fucking word. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: Well, you feeling satisfied now, Teddy? 'Cause I can go on busting you up all night. (SOUNDCLIP)

MIKE: You play for a living, it's like any other job. You don't gamble, you grind it out. Your goal is to win one big bet an hour. That's it. Get your money in when you have the best of it, protect it when you don't. Don't give anything away.

MIKE: Always leave yourself outs. Applies to a player's life away from the game same as it does at the table.

MIKE: You were lookin' for that third three, but you forgot that Professor Green folded on Fourth Street and now you're representing that you have it. The DA made his two pair, but he knows they're no good. Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush but he came up short and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are going to stand up. So like I said, the Dean's bet is $20.

MIKE: Put a guy like me in a weak game like that, the cards themselves hardly matter. A fish acts strong, he's bluffing, acts meek, he has a hand.

( Mike discovers Jo has left him.)
MIKE: You won't find any note. She's not the type to leave on. I always told her she'd be a good player. She'd know when to release a hand the minute it couldn't win.

MIKE: The poker room at the Mirage in Vegas is the center of the poker universe. Doyle Brunsen, Johnny Chan, Phil Helmuth - the legends - consider it their office. Every couple of days a new millionaire shows up wanting to beat a world champion. Usually they go home with nothing but a story.

MIKE: All the luck inthe world isn't gonna change things for these guys. Theyr'e simply overmatched. We're not playing together, but we're not playing against each other, either. It's like the Nature Channel. You do'nt see piranhas eating each other, do you?

MIKE: Generally, the rule is, the nicer the guy, the poorer the card player.

MIKE: Fold or hang tough. Call or raise the bet. These are decisions you make at the table. Sometimes the odds are stacked so clear there's only one way to play it. Other times, like holding a small pair against two over cards, it's six to five, or even money, either way. Then it's all about feel, what's in your guts.

(Mike describes playing with Johnny Chan.)
MIKE: "Y'have it?" he asks me. "Sorry John, I don't remember." I got up and walked straight to the cashier. I sat with the best in the world, Knish, and I won.

TEDDY: That ace could not have helped you.
MIKE: (laughs) You're right Teddy, the ace didn't help.
(pushes chips towards the center and flops down his cards)
MIKE: I flopped a nut straight.

MIKE: I feel like Buckner walking back into Shea.

MIKE: We can't run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us.

(His girlfriend says they don't have time for sex now.)
MIKE: I'll be really quick. You won't feel a thing.

MIKE: I want him to think that I am pondering a call, but all I'm really thinkin about it Vegas and the fuckin' Mirage.

- from Rounders: A Screenplay

Poker Stuff:

Bad Beats and Lucky Draws

Caro's Book of Poker Tells


Doyle Brunson's Super System

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